Five Fabulous
Fart Books

Here are some excerpts, descriptions, and "reviews" of five classic fart books, three by Alec Bromcie, one by Dr Benjamin Bart, and one by Simon Fawkes.
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On a recent trip to England to visit my daughter, I stumbled upon a small selection of books about farts and farting published by Michael O'Mara Books, Ltd, 9 Lion Yard, Tremadoc Road, London SW4 7NQ, England ( Three books are by Alec Bromcie (The Little Book of Farting (just 8.5 cm x 9.5 cm), The Complete Book of Farting, and The Ultimate Book of Farting. These books have some overlap in content, but on the other hand if you want fart facts instantly at your fingertips, the first book is small enough to fit unobtrusively in your shirt pocket.

In the first two books (Little and Complete), both paperback, you'll find chapters about the truth of farting (how it works, gasses involved, how often we fart, and so on), farting etiquette (never on the first date, not near the fresh food counter, not in the company of your in-laws, etc.), dangers of farting, farting personalities, types of farts, wise words, euphemisms, and farting phrases for travellers. The Complete book has many chapters of additional material. Especially poignant is the section on Farters Anonymous (true farting confessions), farting limericks, and farting jokes. The third book (Ultimate) overlaps the first two but it is a hardcover book that actually farts (sound, not smell, thank goodness). Actually, it has four distintively different and incredibly realistic fart sounds that I can guarantee will startle (and possibly amuse) your friends and office mates.

The fourth book, The History of Farting by Benjamin Bart began as a collection of rhymes and started growing and growing (as some farts are wont to do) until it became a rather comprehensive book of farting poetry (if one can call it that), prose, drawings, cartoons, plus detailed descriptions of 54 farts from A to Z. With the kind permission of the publisher, I have included some short excepts from each of the books below. But the books have much more. "If you like farts, you'll love the books."
Fart Books from Michael O'Mara Books

Farting Etiquette (from the Complete Book and the Little Book of Farting)

• Never fart and then embrace your lover whilst wearing and overcoat on a cold day. As we know, hot air rises and your stench will travel upwards and emanate from beneath your coat lapels. Your embrace will be very short as the noxious substance hits your loved one's nostrils.

• Farting in bed (blanket ripping) and then pulling back the covers and sniffing one's own fart is a perfectly acceptable practice. However, pushing your loved one's head under (or Dutch-ovening) must rank as a crime against humanity! This is a very common male habit and I cannot stress enough that it is very unpleasant for the victim.

Farters Anonymous: True Farting Confessions (from the Complete Book of Farting)

Hello, my name is Yvette and I am a farter. One night as I was preparing for bed by brushing my teeth in the bathroom, I stopped by my parents' room to hear my father's snoring, which was always worth a listen. As he began to get louder and louder, I just shook my head and wondered how anyone could sleep with that. All of a sudden, a fart came out loud enough to wake the dead and my dad let out one of those my-sleep-got-interrupted snorts. My mum also woke up and thought it was thunder outside. My dad blamed her, which was rich. I laughed so much I could not get to sleep for hours.. My dad still insists he does not snore. My mum and I still joke about it.
                 ---Yvette C., London

Hello, my name is Bob and I am a farter. I have quite a reputation for amusing uncouth behaviour but farting is one of my specialties. Once I was getting out of the shower and my wife Pam was in the bathroom talking to me. I felt a powerful fart building and asked her to inspect my arse, saying that I thought I had a cut back there. As soon as her face was near my arse I let loose with a long, wet, resounding blast that sounded extra special within the confines of our tiny bathroom. I feel that I must inform you that this will be the last time I tell this story, as I have been informed by Pam that it is 'No longer funny.'
                 ---Bob C., Salisbury

Everyone Farts. (from The History of Farting)

Everyone farts, admit it or not. Kings fart, queens fart, we all fart.
Edward Lear, the 19th century English landscape painter, wrote affectionately of a favourite farting Dutchess who gave enormous dinner parties attended by the cream of society. One night she let out a ripper and quick as a flash she turned her gaze to her stoic butler, standing, as always, behind her.
"Hawkins!" she cried. "Hawkins, stop that!"
"Certainly, your Grace," he replied with unhurried dignity. "Which way did it go?"

Selected Farting Statistics and Factoids (from all three Alec Bromcie books)

• Average number of farts per day: Man 15 to 17, Woman 8 or 9.
• Record farting frequency: 145 farts in 24 hours, 83 farts in 4 hours.
• The average man releases enough flatus in a day to blow up a small balloon.
• Farts can travel as far as 15 meters and the smell can linger for 5 minutes. Because some farts contain greater amounts of heavy gas, they will hang around longer than others.
• If you fart into a bottle and put the cork back in (or into an airtight tin), you can preserve your ripest farts for some time. Note: It is very unsocial to do this in someone else's flask or lunchbox.

Gemini The Farting Zodiac (from the Ultimate Book of Farting)

Gemini 22 May to 21 June
Gemini, the sign of the Twins, is two-faced, elusive, complex, and contradictory. On the one hand it produces the virtue of versatility, and on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness. Therefore, they usually fart in crowds so they can pin the blame on someone else and run away. Since Geminis are great communicators they can fart a whole range of sounds with different intensities. Their pitch and tone is music to our ears.

Click here to go to my big page of fart definitions with pics and videos
Poetry (from The History of Farting)

There was an old fellow named Art
Who awoke with a terrible start,
          For down by his rump
          Was a terrible lump
Of what should have just been a fart.

In the book to the right, Around the World in Farty Haze, 19-year-old Simon Fawkes suffers from a spasmodic wind problem as he hauls his fat bulk though this hilarious account of a journey through the Americas. From seedy San Francisco sex clubs through stomach upsets in Mexico, uncontrollable flatulence at Machu Picchu, becoming stranded in a snowdrift in Bolivia to being sick at a foam party, this tale is told in such a way that makes tears stream. His humor operates at many levels; from the subtle to the toilet.

But this is much more than just a tle with farting. Skillfully crafted, we gain a witty insight into the places and characters the author encounters in this illuminating travel story.

Published 2005 in the UK by Lansdowne Press, price £8.99. For more on Simon's travels with photos, check out his website at
Around the World in Farty Haze by Simon Fawkes

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